


I Love You Didn't Fix Anything

by Spazzo47



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spazzo47/pseuds/Spazzo47
Summary: It's the day after Will and Mac got engaged.  While some things did change, not everything did.
Relationships: Will McAvoy/MacKenzie McHale
Comments: 20
Kudos: 15





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I got the quote "I LOve you didn't fix everything" from someone's story in this fandom. But I can't find it. IF someone wants to claim credit, I will gladly give it.

“Will.” She rolled her eyes as she watched him continue to sleep. It didn’t seem fair. He worried about her inability to sleep yesterday and this morning she’s the one that woke up before the sun. 

“Will!” She said it a little louder, this time with a gentle shake to his shoulder. He had his whole arm bent and laying above the blanket. His t-shirt covered his shoulder and about half of his bicep. She couldn’t help staring for a minute. She’s seen him in short sleeves at work of course… and before. But this… whatever the fuck this is, it isn’t before and she hasn’t been able to admire him like this at work. He was the one that stole looks at her, she wouldn’t allow herself because she knew he had to be the one to do something about it, it couldn’t be her. Now that he has, she can only hope that he won’t wake up this morning and regret what he said last night. 

She looked down at her watch and decided she had to wake this man up the only way she ever could. She gave his shoulder a hard shove and said his name loudly. And then she watched. He jerked as he woke up. He looked around, almost trying to get his bearings. She remembered that from before too. It always took him a second even when they spent more nights together than apart. But then his eyes would adjust to the light and he would roll over to face her and growl out a “good morning” before he stretched and gave her a quick kiss. 

In fact, a lot of this morning felt familiar, like she was out of time, a parallel universe or simply déjà vu. It just didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like she was in this time and this space and though she replayed his speech from last night over and over in her mind, she just can’t get herself to believe he meant it. And so, she watches. She watches as he gets his bearings. She watches as he rolls over. And with her heart thudding in her chest, she watches as he recognizes who woke him up. She watches as his face changes. He started with surprise, then fear, then he smiled and then back to a different fear and finally he said, “I’m not taking it back. I meant everything I said last night. And just to recap, I love you, I’m not going to ever hurt you again, and I want to marry you.”

Mac didn’t know what that meant. Actually, she did. It meant he knew that she didn’t know what to expect. It meant that he decided to lay her fears to rest, maybe even protect her from them, before she could give voice to them. It meant he knew her and he wanted to take care of her. And even though she can’t ask for anything else, she doesn’t know how to handle this. Twenty-four hours ago, she couldn’t imagine the circumstances that would let her wake up here, with him. Not to mention the rock on her finger the size of a small moon. Even today, she doesn’t know what happened to cause such a cosmic shift in their relationship. She didn’t know what made him say it last night at all. She didn’t know why she believed him, except that he doesn’t throw around that declaration easily. Truth be known, his stinginess with those words played a big part in what caused her affair with Brian. So, when he said them last night, he had to mean them because he’s not capable otherwise. And he said them again this morning. And she should be jumping for joy, this is everything she hoped for. But she can’t help feeling like it can’t be real. 

She forced a smile on her face and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He looked a little awkward. She reminded herself that he’s not used to this either. Whatever happened last night, he didn’t plan it. He wasn’t prepared because they haven’t done this in 6 years. It will take time to get back into a rhythm. If that’s what he actually wants. If he doesn’t think better of this later today, or after things calm down this weekend. But he had to have meant it. He doesn’t just say those words to get something or… anything. He must mean it. She believes that. 

“We, uh, we need to get going. They’re supposed to file the suit at 9, we meet with Rebecca at 10, and I need to meet with Don and Jim before that to make sure we’re –”

“I know,” Will look disappointed. She assumed he read something in her face that prompted him to say, “I should be taking you out to breakfast, we should have celebrated last night, just you and me.”

“We have the rest of our lives to celebrate. Don’t we?” She wanted the question to come out breezy, make it a rhetorical question. Something that would make one side of his mouth turn up. Something that would make him light-heartedly agree with her. But that’s not how it came out. 

Will nodded his head and said quietly, “We do.” As Will swung his legs over the side of the bed, he said, “Why don’t you take your shower first and I’ll see what I have in kitchen for breakfast.”

Mac nodded her head as she got out of bed and watched Will leave the room. She wanted that to go better. She always thought this morning would be different. The morning after she got engaged, she thought she’d start the morning sore. She and her fiancé would laze around in bed until late morning when they had to get up and walk somewhere to pick up lunch that they would eat in Central Park. They’d tell her excited family how it happened, even though he would have asked her father for permission and he would have told the plan. Her father would official welcome her fiancé into the family, even though they all accepted him years before. She expected a few days of romance and celebration. And she knew Will, he’d say none of that matters to him, but he wanted the tradition as well. If nothing else, he wanted to feel like he did it right. She didn’t want him to think she was disappointed, he could never live with that, but she didn’t know how to not be. 

She got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom to get dressed. Will awkwardly walked past her, making sure to avert his eyes from her. She finished buttoning up her shirt and rolled her eyes deciding she needed to say something to him. She wanted him to look at her and not feel nervous and she tried to find the right words to say that without making it a demand. With a huff, she walked into the bathroom. A bare-chested Will was starting to pull off his pajama pants when he heard the door open and he immediately tried to cover up. Seeing him standing there, she forgot everything she planned to say and started laughing. He looked at her and for a second started getting angry. But then he saw himself in the mirror and he understood. “I know it’s ridiculous. You’ve seen me naked more times than I can count. But, can you give me 5 minutes to shower before you do your makeup?”

Mac nodded her head. “Sure.”

Mac went out to the breakfast counter where he left two coffee cups. His had coffee, and hers had hot water and a tea packet next to it. As she started steeping her tea, she picked up the paper and began to read. She reached out and found a highlighter exactly where she expected it. She stopped reading and looked at the highlighter and smelled her tea. Black Russian. He remembered. And he kept some in his apartment, he was never a tea drinker. He wanted coffee with one cream, two sugar. Even their trip to England and visits from her family didn’t change his mind. He wanted his coffee. 

She didn’t hear him leave the bathroom, so she didn’t know that he stood in the bedroom doorway watching her stare at the highlighter. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, “I only had yellow. I know you color code everything, I just, I wasn’t –”

Mac turned around and looked at Will with a brilliant smile on her face. While he stammered an apology, she went to him and put her arms around his neck. He put his arms loosely around her waist and tucked his forehead into her shoulder. When they finally broke apart, still loosely connected, she said, “Can we admit that this is weird?” Will nodded his agreement. “But it won’t be forever, right? We’ve done this before.”

Will unlooped his arms from her waist and guided her to the couch. “I wanted it to be perfect for you. There should be rose pedals and soufflé and we should be –”

Mac shook her head and placed her index finger on his lips. “That’s what I thought this morning. That I, that we should have all that stuff. But you had my favorite tea. You remembered and had my favorite tea.”

“I thought I should have some variety in case someone…” He cut himself off realizing he didn’t want to point out how many overnight guests he’s had in the last six years. “I thought if you liked it, then maybe someone else with taste would want it.”

Mac laughed with a tear in her eye. “I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere, so I’ll try to focus on that.” She saw him laugh nervously. “Will, last night you told me you loved me and that you wanted to marry me.”

“And that I’m never going to hurt you again.”

“And that you’re never going to hurt me again. And I agreed to marry you because I believed you and I want the same thing. But Will, we have to realize that being able to say I love you doesn’t magically fix everything. It doesn’t change going to work and facing the suit while putting a run down together. It doesn’t change what I did six years ago, and it doesn’t change anything that happened in the last two and half years.”

Will looked at her perplexed. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Mac saw the look on his face and smiled. “No. I said yes because I love you and I’ve always wanted to marry you, even when I didn’t know it, and because I believe that it may be hard, but because we both want it, we can make it work.”

Will shifted in the couch to face her and he gave her a passionate kiss. “I do want it to work, Mac. I wouldn’t have –”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.” She rested her head on his shoulder, trying to enjoy the moment of connection. “We need to go to work. It should be an easy show, and I’ll get Don and Jim to tag team on the analysis, but –”

“We got Rebecca in a couple hours and you want to make sure everything is lined up before that. And the paparazzi will be out to get us. And --”

“It’s going to be a long day. We’re going to be exhausted at the end of it. Thursday and Friday will be the same.”

“Then we’ll celebrate on Saturday. I’ll do it right, Mac, I promise.”

Mac smiled up at him. “You already have Will.” She ran her hand through his hair, “Billy.”

“You know, I’ve always hated when you called me that.”

“And you know I’ve never cared.”

Will finally laughed. “I know.”


	2. The Office

Will and Mac arrived to an empty bullpen. Will remembered that they told everyone not to be there until their first meeting. For most, that meant the first rundown. Jim and Don had to come in earlier to meet with Mac before the suit got filed. While Will and Mac walked in holding hands, as soon as the elevator opened on their floor, Mac looked around and then at Will before saying, “I need to get some things done in my office,” and almost running there. Will felt a little bewildered. He reminded himself that she took the Genoa suit the hardest of anyone. She really had the biggest burden of any of them. Dantana pushed the story, but she oversaw his work while doing her own. She had to fire Dantana. Because of her role, meeting with Rebecca had become like a fulltime job for her in addition to running the day to day work for the show and preparing for election night. He always had an awareness of her burden, but until now, he never thought about how much she took on. He felt a moment of pride, awe, and gratitude for everything she’s done for him and the staff. He knew she had a to do list a mile long before her meetings started in an hour, but he wanted to tell her how amazing he finds her. 

Will tapped on her door and walked in without waiting for a response. When they got into a rhythm working together again, that boundary didn’t seem important to either, so even tapping on the door felt like a strange bit of respect to extend. 

When Will walked in, Mac looked at him, almost panicked. Will immediately went to her side, “Mac, what’s wrong?”

Mac tried to minimize the document she had up before he could see it, but failed. 

“What the fuck is this?”

Mac looked at him, first feeling guilty, but then she steeled herself and said, “a proposal I’ve been working on for Charlie. With the suit filed, I knew that meetings with Rebecca would take up more and more of my time, so I’ve been thinking about how to readjust the responsibilities between Don, Jim and I.”

“You want Jim to become a co-executive producer? You want him running the day to day, and you’ll… what? Leave? Was that your plan? And you wanted to go to Charlie with this, not me? What was Charlie going to do, help you _handle_ me? Patronize me into just agreeing with this shit?”

“I’ve been working on this for weeks, Will. I hoped I wouldn’t have to finish it, that by today I’d be packing up my office and Don would take 8:00 and Jim would be with Sloane on 10:00. But I knew if it didn’t happen like that I would need a contingency plan and that I would need Charlie’s support because you would react just like you’re reacting.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” he yelled. 

“That means I didn’t think you would take this well, so I wanted to figure out a strategy with Charlie. If you didn’t notice, I had to ask Jim to do a lot of things the last few months that are not in his job description. If that has to continue, then I want to make sure we’re treating him fair. This does that.”

“It also takes you away from the broadcast that I know you love to do.”

“So that I can do what I have to do to help the case. I was still going to run you at night, I was going to have meetings with Jim and Don while you were in hair and makeup to be sure I knew what I needed for the broadcast. I knew having me in your ear would be important to you. So, this proposal outlines that. If we do this right, you won’t notice a change.”

Mac saw the pain in Will’s eyes. “Do you think I’m so disconnected from this show and what happens here that I wouldn’t notice someone else’s fingerprints on it? You are everywhere in the broadcast, I would know there’s a difference. And I don’t want you to take a backseat to your underling. You mean more to me than that. You’re my fiancé. You should have come to me with this first, not planned to go around me to Charlie and then patronize me into getting your way. Is that what it’s going to be like when we’re married?”

Mac sat back in her chair, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. “First of all, I started this before you had whatever fucking epiphany you had last night. Second, this was a proposal, I wanted to run it past Charlie to get feedback before going over it with you. That doesn’t mean we were going to patronize you or handle you or whatever the fuck is going on in your mind. We were going to hash out what we thought would work best and then bring you in. And I’m talking to you about it right now, not him.”

“You’re talking to me because I caught you, not because you thought you could come to me with it.”

Mac dug in her heels. “Are you so sure that I wasn’t going to show it to you first? Let you know about it before Jim and Don get in to go over what to expect today? Will there are a lot of moving parts right now, and I’m trying to keep up and some of that is figuring out a new balance with you and work.”

“Were you going to? Did you intend to show me what was on there before promoting Jim?”

Mac considered her answer. He wanted to hear that with the change in their relationship, she would go to him first. She wanted to say that. But she also didn’t want to lie. “Put yourself in my position, would you tell your anchor who would automatically assume the worst or find a way to keep the peace a little longer?”

“I’d tell my fiancé what was going on in my head.”

Mac nodded her head in contemplation. “But, Will, you’re still you. And showing you this would have brought up all your bluster on a morning that I just don’t have time for it. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it means I still have to put a show together the best way I know how.” She looked at Will. Before he could say anything, she added, “I expect Jim and Don in 30 minutes and I’m going to give them assignments that follow this proposal and then I’m going to show it to Charlie after the first run down. This isn’t official, I won’t tell them this is a long-term plan until I get approval from you and Charlie. If you want to be part of either meeting, I’ll get them on your calendar.”

Will looked at her, still hurt that she didn’t come to him first. Finally, he shook his head no and left. 

Mac heard the door close and sat back in her chair. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t know how else to handle that. 

Mac’s meeting with Jim and Don ended with the email notification that they could read the suit online. She felt comfortable that Jim and Don would take care of today. She didn’t know if Will expected her to read the suit in his office. 24 hours ago, she planned to read it in her office alone, while secretly hoping that she and Will would read it together. But now it seemed like she and Will should share this new low in both their professional lives. She sent the suit to the printer because she liked reading a hard copy. She went to Will’s office to see if he wanted a printout as well. She opened his door and found the office empty. While she heard the suit printing, she texted him, “Suit’s in, do you want me to print you out a copy and we can read it over coffee?”

His reply came almost instantly. “In Charlie’s office with the lawyers. U R welcome to join.” Mac always imagined this event in terms of a nail in the coffin of her career. She didn’t want to have an audience as she read every embarrassing thing she did for the last 16 months. She didn’t want to hear Rebecca asking for context of any detail they missed in their interviews so far, until she knew what those details were and could figure out how to explain them. To her, this was an intimate moment, one she didn’t want to share with anyone but Will. She knew she didn’t want to read this with Charlie, Rebecca and the Beck-ettes, as Don called Rebecca’ assistants, so she texted Will and told him she’d catch up with the group later and picked up her printout. 

Once she finished her read though, and prepared herself for the meeting, she headed upstairs. She found the whole group in the conference room already talking about what they read. As she walked in, Charlie showed her to a seat and moved his things, winking at her because she could now sit next to her fiancé. Charlie started pouring drins while Will explained the difference between Maggie’s mistake with the George Zimmerman audio and Jerry premeditating the alteration of a raw recording seemingly without noticing that Mac arrived. Rebecca nodded her head at Will’s monolog and said she understood and she agreed. When Will started a sports analogy, he stood up and started addressing the room like he was in court. Finally, Rebecca cut him off and turned to Mac. “What did you think?”

Mac looked to her side and noticed that Will had moved to Charlie’s desk where he filled a glass and handed the bottle back to Charlie and his empty glass. “No surprises in it. I just don’t understand how a suit like this can be filed.” 

Before she could continue, Will came out from the corner with the alcohol and pointing with his glass, he said, “That’s right. He’s an at-will employee. We don’t have to have a reason for firing him. I could have fired him because I didn’t like the color of his shirt.”

“Or that tweed blazer. That was ugly,” Charlie added. 

“Says the guy who wears bowties every day.” Will seemed to toast him and his fashion choices with joviality.

“My wife says they’re dashing.”

“That’s what I mean. You have very good taste in clothes. Very classic.”

“Thank you.”

The two men shared a smile while Rebecca threw her hands in the air. “Are they always like this when they drink at 10AM?” She didn’t bother waiting for a response. “Are you guys going to get serious or do I need to kick you out?”

Immediately, Will and Charlie sat down on either side of Mac. Will looked at her and realized how shaken she was. He’d seen it throughout the process, and he tried to help her as much as he could, sometimes past his comfort zone. Now he knew he could do something about it, but he had to force himself. Finally, he made the decision to hold her hand. And she rewarded him with a smile. He didn’t need any other encouragement, he immediately relaxed next to her.

After two hours, Rebecca announced that they will take a 1-hour lunch break and meet back at 1. Will walked Mac out of the room and released a deep breath. “Let’s go somewhere for lunch. We can duck around the reporters, I just want to get out of here.”

Mac looked at her watch. “I can’t Will, I can’t. I need to talk to Jim and Don to find out what tonight’s show looks like and I want to catch up with Charlie before it gets too late.”

“Because you don’t want to be my executive producer.”

Mac ran her hand over her face in frustration. “That’s not what I want. You told me yesterday –”

“That I loved you and I want to marry you.”

“That I looked like I’d been grown in an environment that was dark and damp. Why do you think I looked like that?”

“I didn’t mean it.”

Mac moved away from him. “The hell you didn’t. You thought I needed to rest. Well, I still do, but I can’t. All I can do is try to delegate my responsibilities.”

Though he tried, Will couldn’t hide his disappointment. “So, you don’t want to go to lunch. I’ll go up to the executive dining room and make sure Charlie leaves to meet you in a half hour. Will that make you happy?”

Mac responded with same level of sarcasm, “That sounds great.”

A half hour later, Mac arrived in Charlie’s office. Millie seemed to expect her and waved her in. Charlie finished his phone call and sat down, offering Mac a sandwich. When she looked confused, Charlie said, “Will thought you might not have eaten.”

“Did he tell you about this proposal?”

“Yes, but I think I should hear it from you. Your fiancé is many things, but, he’s probably not being fair about this proposal.”

Mac went over the new distribution of work and Charlie made some suggestions. He didn’t have a problem naming Jim co-executive producer, but insisted that Mac keep her title so there was no question about her seniority and role. She intended to take a demotion, but Charlie would not budge. Finally, when they agreed on all the details, Charlie said, “Mac, can I say something a little personal?”

“Sure.”

“He’s trying. He’s scared that he doesn’t know how to make this work, but he wants to. He wants to make this up to you.”

“I know. I want it to work too. You know that. I just can’t stop expecting… Last night I thought he was a bomb that hadn’t detonated. And now I don’t know what the fuck is happening.”

“He doesn’t either.”

Mac walked out of Charlie’s office and to Will’s. She closed the door behind her and said, “Do you have a minute? I mean, I know you don’t, we have to get back up to talk to Rebecca and you have to write a script and –”

“We’re busy, I know, but we can be a little late to Rebecca. I doubt she found a new defense over lunch. How’d things go with Charlie?”

“Do we have to talk about this now? Millie is going to schedule us to meet with Charlie tomorrow and then after we all decide what to do, we’ll talk to Don and Jim.”

Will nodded his head. He still didn’t like that she went around him, but he tried to put that aside and focus on how beat down she looked. “Thanks, but that’s not what I meant. I wanted to—” What? What did he want? He didn’t know, all he knows for sure is that she’s looking at him and he’s disappointing her. “I thought you would be happy. That’s what I wanted.”

Mac almost burst into tears when she saw the genuineness on his face. “I am, Will. When I think about you and me and the future I always wanted. I am. Today’s just… hard.” She walked over to him to hold his hand. “But this. Just being able to be like this, it does make me happy.”

Will twined their fingers together and nodded his head. “I’m going to make it up to you, Mac. I will make sure to do it right. This weekend I’ll book us a cottage on a mountain somewhere and I’ll do it again. We’ll have a nice dinner and music and it’ll live up to all your dreams. I’m going to get this right Mac.”

Mac leaned against the desk and put her hands on each of his cheeks, smiling at him. “Last night was perfect. I’m never going to forget the night you told me you love me and that you want to marry me. I don’t need another memory. I just need to get through the next few days. And weeks.”

“A few days away from everything. That should fix it.”

“It’s not going to fix it, Will. And I don’t even know that we can get away this weekend. Obviously, one of us is going to have to move, and that’s probably going to be me, so I need some time to pack. Which reminds me, if we’re going to go somewhere together tonight, can we go to my place so I can pack for a few nights? If I can get enough stuff for the rest of the week, then I can pack up on Saturday and Sunday then have movers come to get my things on Monday and list my place after that. I don’t think I want to mess with a sublet.” Mac stopped to see the horrified look on Will’s face. “Unless you don’t intend for us to move in together.”

Will didn’t know what to say. He wanted to help her, but he couldn’t keep up with her. He didn’t know that he understood where this conversation started or how it got to her organizing a move in 4 days by herself. That’s not what he wants. He wants her to take a fucking breath. “Of course, I want us to move in together. I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess I would like to stay at my place, at least in the short term.”

“Well, then I need…”

“No, you don’t. If you don’t completely move out of your place for months, I’m rich, we can afford to keep your place empty.” He gave her a smile and waited for hers in return. “And if you really want to move more quickly, then, I can talk to Scott and he can send someone to pack your place today.”

“I do not want a stranger going through my things.”

“OK. Not Scott. But can we try to get away this weekend? We can both use a break.”

Mac took a second to think about it. Every fiber of her being listed off the things she had to do. The timing couldn’t be worse. But she also recognized that he was trying. He wanted to make things better for her and a chance to reconnect as a couple might do them good. “I assume you won’t want me to bring my computer.”

“I want you to bring as little as possible. It’s going to be cold and snowy, not a lot of reason to leave the cabin.” Will gave her a suggestive look. 

Mac weighed her options. She wanted to get away with him. She wanted a break from all this. She wanted to trust that what he said was real and she thought if they went away and had a good weekend, maybe she could trust it more. The longer she thought, the more she thought about her doubts, her expectation that this would be taken from her, like she had to be punished for Genoa and if she got to keep her job, then the universe would take this life that she wanted from her instead. Hold it out like a carrot that she couldn’t quite grab onto. And while she kept trying to convince herself that Will would come through, that he wouldn’t go back to who he’s been for the last three years, she heard him say, “Unless you don’t want to.”

She looked at him and saw his disappointment. “Will, I want to. More than anything I want to. But I don’t know if I can. There’s so much to catch up on already and it’s only Wednesday. And –”

“And you need to pack up your place and find a mover. I heard you.”

She saw the hurt on his face and she hated it. “Maybe, we should. I probably need a break more than I realize.”

He looked at her, feeling like she only said it to appease him. “If it doesn’t work this weekend, it doesn’t work.” He looked at his watch and said, “come on, we’re late to seeing Rebecca.” He got up and opened the door, holding it for her before leaving with her. 

They had meetings with Rebecca interspersed with other work until 5 when Mac insisted that she and Will had to go to final rundown. In the elevator, they both knew they wanted to say something, but didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t. They felt relieved when they walked into a conference room full of young journalists. Mac sat next to Jim and said, “Jim, why don’t you take us through the plan for tonight.”

Jim and the producers took them through the rundown answering Will and Mac’s questions along the way. Will agreed that he could work off an outline on the teleprompter as long as the stats came in fast and furious. Mac pointed out that might mean Jim would be in his ear more than she was and he reluctantly agreed. Neither Will nor Mac liked the idea, but they understood there was no other way. 

Jim and Don gave Mac an info dump while Will got ready for the show. Mac went to his office before he went to the studio. “Jim gave me everything you’ll need for today. I can run you if you want and Jim will be on headset as a backup.”

“Do whatever you want, Mac.”

“What does that mean?”

Will wanted to tell her exactly what it means, but realized he didn’t know. All he could think about was how everything with her today went opposite what he wanted. He wanted to see her happy. He wanted to wake up with her this morning and it feel normal and natural. He wasn’t prepared for awkwardness in his apartment. He wanted to tell her how proud he was of her. Instead he got angry when he saw she wanted to effectively end their working relationship. He wanted to protect her from Genoa. But she won’t ever see that it wasn’t her fault. He wanted to go away with her, and she obviously doesn’t want that. And now she’s trying to appease him, because she knows he’s already failed her in so many ways. 

“Nothing, Mac. It doesn’t mean anything. I want you in my ear, you know that. I won’t sign off on any plan that doesn’t put you there during the show. If Jim has to be a backup, I’ll live with it.”

Mac nodded her head, recounting in her head all the ways she’s failed him today. He wanted her to be happy, that’s all he wanted. And she couldn’t find a way to show him that she is. He wanted to protect her, but she has taken a defensive stance against him for so long, that she doesn’t know another way to stand. Any time Jim has to help run Will she will know that she’s failed him, and she doesn’t want to fail him. “I’ll see you out there.” Will nodded his head as she left his office. 


	3. After the Show

The show went well with little help from Jim. Will knew more of the analytics than anyone expected and Mac only had to glance at a list to tell him what was coming up. After the show, Mac went to her office and picked up her go bag. She had another change of clothes in it and Sloane said she could go shopping for her, if necessary. Mac went to Will’s office and knocked on the door. “Come on in, Mac.”

Mac stood at the far wall away from his desk. As he looked at her, he couldn’t put his finger on why he didn’t like what he saw. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Mac said, “I’m ready to go, whenever you are. If you still want me to go with you.”

Will kept looking at her, until he realized what he didn’t like. She’s stood in that spot for three years. He’s seen her like that every day, several times a day, just like that. But this time, she looked so far away. He wasn’t one to make big gestures, but he knew what he had to do, even though it felt strange. But for the first time, he saw something that he hadn’t in at least 6 years, maybe longer. He didn’t know how he missed it. But it was so clear and nothing else mattered. 

Will stood up and walked around his desk, leaning against it and holding out his hands to her. She looked at him questioningly, but he kept looking back at her. Finally, she took his hands. “Of course I want to go home with you. Your place, my place, it doesn’t matter.” He stopped to hug her to him. “You were right this morning. I love you didn’t change anything. We still have all the stresses we had yesterday. And we’re still the people we were yesterday. But you’re wrong if you think nothing’s changed. Because when I said I want to marry you, I meant that I don’t want you to go through any of this shit alone. I intend to stand with you and figure all this out with you, and I’m committed to that for the rest of our lives.”

Will felt heartbroken when he didn’t hear her respond. But then he felt the unmistakable shake of a woman who cried. He felt her tears through his shirt while he rubbed her back, whispering nonsense into her ear. Finally, she pulled herself together. “You really mean it, don’t you?”

“What? Of course –”

Mac stepped backward and pulled Will with her. When they both sat down, still connected by their hands, she said, “Maybe I didn’t give you enough credit, but I kept expecting that you would wake up and come to your senses.”

It was a blow to Will. His first thought was he never lied to her. He never betrayed her. But he saw the ring on her finger and realized that he may not be as innocent as he wants to believe. “That’s what you meant when you said that it didn’t fix the last three years. I hurt you.”

Mac stayed quiet, not sure how to answer. She knew that he hurt her, but she didn’t want to say it. She still didn’t know how he would respond. 

“You can say it, Mackenzie.” He looked her in the eye and for the first time thought he saw how much of a toll he took on her. “Last night, I was in my office with Charlie. He was talking about a book he read.”

“Jeremiah Purdy, _The Common Things_.”

“Sure, I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. But he said something. He said that we know the truth and we know that we did our due diligence. And he was right. Except what we did wrong, we did everything right. And then I caught myself. I said I couldn’t live with you taking the blame for everything. And I realized that I had done that to you, all this time. I realized that you didn’t punish me by telling the truth, I punished you because you believe truth, even horrible ones, make people and relationships better. And I realized that I need you in my life because your annoyingly ethical tendencies make me be a better person.”

Mac felt a tear roll down her face. “And you realized you loved me.”

Will shook his head. “That may be the worst confession I have to make. I’ve known for a long time that I loved you, and I withheld that from you. And I’m so sorry.”

Mac still didn’t know what to say. He said everything she ever wanted him to say, and she believed him, but she still felt raw. “So, are you going to bare your soul to me nightly for a little while?” She ended the statement with a slight laugh.

“Don’t do that Mac. Don’t let me off the hook or change the tone. Saying I love didn’t fix anything. But we can because I don’t want to ever be without you.”

Mac felt completely exhausted. “Thank you for saying that. I know it wasn’t easy and it’s exactly what I’ve prayed to hear you say. I need you to believe that. But in the craziness of the last 24 hours, I’ve been so overwhelmed. I know we need this conversation. I need to answer your questions about Brian and, I should tell you some things about Afghanistan. And there’s things I need to ask you, but I can’t. I can’t do this right now.”

Will nodded his head. She’s been at a breaking point for weeks and refused to allow anyone to see how vulnerable she really is. But she trusted him with letting her guard down. He couldn’t push her for more now. “OK. But you trust me? I mean, you trust that I’m committed and I’m going to make this work?” Mac nodded her head. “Okay. That’s all I can ask.” He put his arm around her and placed her head on his shoulder. “Why don’t we go back to your place tonight? My go bag is ready. We can pack you for a few days.”

“Thanks.”

“And I still think you should get away for a weekend. Jim can run me on Friday, you can go somewhere and if you want, I’ll join you after the show. You need a break. With or without me, your call, but I want you to take a long weekend.”

Mac smiled. “Of course I want you with me, Will. I’m as committed as you are and I genuinely want to have a weekend where we’re not thinking about work or suits or Brian or anything. But none of it goes away just because we’re on the side of a mountain or a beach or even on a farm in the middle of the country, we’re still us and we still have all this garbage to sort through.”

“We do. But if I convince you to go skiing, you will find a way to trip and break your ankle. That will make it real difficult for us to get too serious about anything.”

Mac started laughing. “You’re sending me away to break my ankle? And who says that I’ll be the one with a skiing injury?” 

With a look, Will asked her, “are you fucking with me?”

“Okay, maybe sometimes I am a little more injury prone, but –”

“No but.” Will smiled and then kissed her. And it felt like coming home. It wasn’t the passionate kiss of the newly engaged couple 24 hours ago, it wasn’t the nearly obligatory kiss of earlier in the day. It somehow felt steadier and sturdier. When they parted, he whispered, “Are we okay?”

“Yes, we are. Can we go home?”

Will nodded his head and gathered his things then escorted her to the elevator. 

Thursday morning Will woke up feeling refreshed. He looked over at a sleeping Mac and smiled. He found his phone on the nightstand next to him and made arrangements. When he finished, he watched Mac sleep. When she finally woke up, he gave her kiss and saw her smile up at him. With a smile on his face, he said, “I just booked you a flight to the Rockies after tonight’s show. I have a flight booked for Saturday morning. You can tell me to come or I can give the flight to Sloane or you can just have access to a cabin for the weekend alone. Your call, but I want you to rest.”

Mac nodded her head. “I’m going to push you down that fucking mountain. You know that right?”

“I don’t know why you want to spend your weekend nursing me to health, but okay.”

“You’re right, I might want to think about something more permanent.”

Will couldn’t hide his laughter while looking at Mac trying to hold hers in. “You’re not on any insurance policies or investment accounts yet.”

Mac pretended to contemplate the statement. “Well, then I guess you can still come, and we’ll see what happens.” She flashed him a smile and then said more seriously, “I’m scared of fucking this up too, Will.”

Will looked at her surprised. “What?”

“Charlie told me you were scared of messing this up. That’s why I went to your office yesterday after lunch. I’ve wanted this for so long, and I’ve fucked up everything I've touched in the last few months. Now, you're giving this second chance and -- .”

Will pulled her closer to him. “You haven’t. I swear, you haven’t.” He stopped and had a thought. “Is that why you’re agreeing to this trip, because you think if you don’t I’m going to —"

Mac shook her head no. “I want to take this trip because I know that you’re trying to help me and I know that you’re probably right, I need a few days from all of this.”

“But not from me, right?”

Mac’s mouth turned up in a small smile, “not yet. I’m sure that day is coming soon. But not yet.” Mac watched as Will smiled and felt him chuckle. She moved into him, putting her head on his shoulder. “I love you Will.”

He kissed the side of her head. “I love you too. I promise, we’re going to make this work.”

Mac nodded her head in agreement. “We will.” She looked at her watch and said, “But for now, we have to get to work.”


End file.
